Two months since the last post (broken record).
I knew deep down I was drifting towards heightened anxiety and a depressive episode. I knew it. I kept busy to avoid it – watching the Cubs make a good playoff run, taking two classes, physical therapy twice a week for the knee, seeing someone close to me go through some medical issues from a thousand miles away.
But as soon as the Cubs lost the NL championship, and as soon as I dropped back down to two classes, and as soon as PT dropped to once a week, and as soon as things started looking better for that someone close to me… I fell apart. The past two weeks have been full of panic attacks and crying jags and being called out for performance issues at work. That last one stung. Hard. Really hard.
It did help that I met with spectacular mental health professional last week and had the best appointment with her since moving to Denver. The thing is, neither one of us is convinced this is solely anxiety and depression, after reviewing the six years of notes. It could be that my thyroid is acting up (sleeping a lot, cold intolerance, hair falling out), or it could be that blood glucose levels are higher than they used to be (even though I’m finally exercising regularly again with the help of PT), or it could be that I just needed that release of stress that had built up – along with anxiety and depression.
Since I am supposed to see my endocrinologist in December, blood work is coming up for thyroid and A1C. While I thought I’d cancel the appointment and arrange to see someone closer to where I now work and live, I don’t think I can ignore the physical symptoms I’m having and let it go a few months. Once it is known what’s going on physically, then a determination can be made whether to add more happy pills or not. For now, it’s the usual anti-depressant and usual as-needed anti-anxiety medication.
I hate that I’m here again, whether it’s “just” anxiety and depression or if my other chronic conditions are playing a part, too. There’s a game plan, and I’m taking everything one day at a time, but I hate hate hate that I’m here again.