The last time I blogged was seventeen days before one of those phone calls giving bad news. It’s been almost seven months since that phone call, and while there’s improvement with a family member, it has changed lives and plans.
But this place is for me to talk about the stuff going on in my life, not that of loved ones.
Let’s start with diabetes care. While I am more consistent with taking metformin twice a day, the lack of testing blood glucose on a daily basis (or even weekly…or monthly) that began a couple years ago has continued. I plan on a reboot while on vacation soon, especially since I plan on doing a ton of walking (and a sunrise 5k run!). That’s right, my arthritic knee seems just fine and ended up being able to get back to running.
Then there’s mental health. Challenges with work, school, and that aforementioned family issue have complicated anxiety. Panic attacks are back more often than I would like, and I had a horrible sense of depression surrounding the idea of being homesick. Even though I have no idea where home actually is. Is it Denver with good friends, or is it where my parents are, or is it where my sister is after a big move? Or, more likely, is it all of those places? (Oh hey, rhetorical questions.)
Somewhat related is that I finished that darn accounting degree, but I am not seeing results in getting ahead like I thought I would. Mind you, it was only in the past couple weeks that coursework ended and I participated in graduation…it is just that I feel stuck and am left wondering if I wasted a whole lot of money and time.
Not that I am not proud of knocking off a huge item on my post-divorce five-year plan, and ending up with an amazing GPA (which, like my A1C, I won’t disclose…unless you really want to know and ask me). Not that I was not thrilled that my parents came to visit for graduation. Not that I do not know that I need to be patient and good things will come.
Not that I did not need to compartmentalize a bit and do something to distract me from how I simply was not ready to date after divorce. And as school wound down, I found myself willing to open my heart again, way more than I had been in the previous 4-5 years. A few weeks ago, I had my first second date. There was not a third, but holding hands and a goodnight kiss occurred.
So, in short? I know I need to take better care of myself, I know I will find the right job that fits my education and experience, and I know that the walls around my heart are coming down. I know I need to soak up this summer and enjoy every moment of city living without school in the way, in spite of not being quite where I want to be. I know!!!